Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Here Without You.

I hide my pain behind a cloud of cigarette smoke. I shy away from the world so they don't see how much I miss you. I cry early mornings when I can't sleep, when I read, and re-read, and re-re-read emails that you've sent. Early mornings cause I remember how I woke up next to you, cause I remember you breathing on me and how much I loved it.

Sleep eludes me. I don't want to sleep unless it's right next to you, unless it's in your arms, unless I can stir awake to hear you snoring. I don't want to do walk down to restaurants and shopping malls unless I have your hand to hold. I don't want to do anything in life unless you're by my side. I really don't have the courage to.

Putting on a facade, looking happy, keeping others aloof of my feelings is second nature to me. I can do it. But I don't want to. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of hiding. I want you here. With me. All the time.

And you can't be. And it fucking hurts.

4 crumbs:

Danial Hashim said...

What isn't there an alternative or a replacement for people no more??

I would have found some had I been in your place...

Tinuviel said...

That is because I don't want a replacement.
Would you replace every person you love just because they're not around you for a while? Use your brain please.

Danial Hashim said...

Brain... You expect me to believe that a relationship has anything to do with one's brain?

Tinuviel said...

Relationship has everything to do with one's brain. The brain controls everything. How do you expect to feel anything if your frontal lobe is missing.